I mentioned last week that Jordan and I were hoping to make it to this year’s Hot Chicken festival in East Nashville. I was concerned the rain would ruin our day, but a sour attitude ruined the day. Have you ever been witness to your own self-sabotage? Maybe it’s just me. I’d like to blame Saturday’s attitude on a lot of things, but really it was all me.
The last month or so, maybe even longer, I’ve felt off, not quite myself.
Even as a young child, I had moments where I believed I wasn’t good enough, smart enough or even small enough. As a coping mechanism, I found/find myself setting the bar low. If it’s set low enough I can’t disappoint… I won’t be a disappointment. This can make me hesitant to set goals. Once you let thoughts of self-doubt creep in, your mind and body becomes a dangerous place. A small comment or suggestion suddenly morphs into a huge monster of an issue. Self-doubt is something I’ve always had to fight.
On Saturday, I found myself losing it in line waiting for our hot chicken — arguing (quietly but intensely) with Jordan, rain pouring all around our umbrella. This wasn’t my proudest moment, but it happened, folks. Later that day, we really talked it out. Tears were shed and forgiveness was asked and received. It ended up being a beautiful, healing afternoon and evening.
Communication isn’t just using clever words and thoughtful tone, but it’s also cultivating a careful understanding of where your audience is at the moment. Jordan and I are continually learning how to communicate better. Jordan is the oldest in his family and I am the youngest. Most of the time this arrangement works to our advantage but sometimes his natural skill to lead can seem bossy to me*. When that happens, I revert back to being the baby and become argumentative and stubborn. Haha.
We aren’t perfect and our marriage certainly isn’t, but it’s our marriage and I love doing life with Jordan. Marriage is a wonderful example of the unconditional love God has for us and I’m so grateful for His grace.
Despite our argument, the festival was a fun event I would attend again! Due to the rain, Jordan and I only stood in line for Hattie B’s, which has turned into quite the obsession. I expected the event lines to be crazy, with very little room to move about, but my judgement is based on braving the Taste of Chicago. It was crowded, but not overwhelmingly so and if the rain would have held off for a bit longer, we would have gladly stood in another line to try out other vendors.
^ This meal clearly wasn’t gluten-free, but I went for it. Haha.
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*Including our argument in this post was Jordan’s idea. It’s both of our stories, so I would never share without his approval.