Two Pieces of Advice on Coping with Infertility

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As many of you know, it took Jordan and I nearly three years to get pregnant with Phoenix. Eventually — after tests upon tests — we discovered I wasn’t ovulating. Or at least I wasn’t ovulating regularly enough to get pregnant on my own.

It’s been awhile since I last wrote about infertility. Recently, I have received a lot of questions on how to manage the emotional ups and downs of infertility. In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I want to share two things that, if I had understood, would have helped me.


You are not as alone as you think you are.

When Jordan and I first started trying to get pregnant, I expected it to take 3-6 months. My periods weren’t exact each month, so I assumed catching my ovulation window would be tricky. Once the first year came and went, I felt so alone. I knew women who had miscarried, but I didn’t know (or so I thought) anyone who wasn’t getting pregnant at all.

I was very wrong. One in eight couples experience infertility (1/3 from women, 1/3 from men, and 1/3 because of both). Most couples won’t talk about it publicly. Even more couples might not realize they struggle with infertility because they were able to get pregnant easily with their first, but not for a subsequent pregnancy.

People came out of the woodwork when I first shared our story publicly. You know more people struggling with infertility then you think. This information won’t cause you to get pregnant sooner but, at least for me, finally realizing I wasn’t alone allowed me to have more grace for my body.

Compartmentalize. 

You will be sad and hormonal and angry and confused. You just can’t be sad, hormonal, angry, and confused everyday for years. Take appropriate time to fully mourn (for me this was around my period) and than move on. Enjoy your marriage and your friends. Travel, sleep-in, read lots of books, indulge in weeknight happy hours. Allow joy to enter your life.

I don’t want to sound harsh, but if you don’t choose to enjoy life, infertility will eat away at you. If you let it, infertility might even destroy the things you cherish most.

If you struggle with infertility and are keeping it a secret, I urge you to find a confidant. Whether it’s someone within the infertility world or not, having people in your corner is important to your sanity. If you aren’t comfortable sharing with someone in your circle, there are plenty of online resources. Caroline has a wonderful supportive Facebook group. Also, you are more than welcome to reach out to me.

Whether you get pregnant this month or next year (or never) I pray you find comfort in knowing you aren’t alone.

26 thoughts on “Two Pieces of Advice on Coping with Infertility”

  1. There is some really great advice here! I struggled with infertility for several years before I had to move on and we decided to adopt. But I think your advice about living and enjoying life is so important – it can be so easy to become trapped in a spiral of despair that it really is necessary to look up and smell the roses!

    1. I’m sorry to hear you also struggled with infertility. I had to realize that no matter what happened I knew I would regret letting infertility steal years from my life.

  2. I’m so sorry you had to go through that! What a wonderful thing that you’re able to bring truth and encouragement to other women struggling through infertility! <3

  3. “if you don’t choose to enjoy life, infertility will eat away at you. If you let it, infertility might even destroy the things you cherish most.” Amen. Balancing everything that comes with infertility along with giving yourself grace and breaks from the treatments takes time to sort out, but is so necessary.

  4. Thank you for being so open about this!! Like Susannah’s said, I’m so sorry you went through that. That seriously blows. Also, thank you for giving real life insights…they seriously apply to so much, like how whenever you feel like you’re struggling with something, it’s important to remember that other people are going through the same thing (divorce, miscarriages, anger issues, etc. etc.).

  5. It’s hard but also very necessary to find ways to enjoy life. I’ve struggled a lot with making plans–I don’t want to make plans that will be impossible if I am pregnant…but it’s hard to know what life will look like a year from now.

  6. Great advice. I thought I was so alone too when I was going through, but once I opened up about it (after the fact, of course), SO many friends reached out saying they’d been through the same struggles. Crazy how common it is and yet how little we talk about it.

  7. Thank you for sharing this! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 7 months now and it’s so frustrating! I also feel like a lot of the problem nowadays is that we are on birth control for years and years at a time, it makes me wonder if our bodies are not able to regular our cycles naturally with all the fake hormones we pump into our systems. I was on BC from 15 to 25, so it’s not like my body ever had to regular it’s hormones and cycles on it’s own!

  8. This is super insightful and eye-opening. Thanks for sharing your story and bringing the facts. You are brave and beautiful. <3 So happy you and Jordan were blessed with Phoenix!

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