For When You Get Pregnant

get pregnant

Since the fateful weekend where I took five pregnancy tests and discovered I could get pregnant, I’ve wondered how I would address moving from the camp of “infertility” to the camp of “mom.”

There is a solidarity in finding others who are struggling the same way you are struggling. I found my journey to be much more bearable once I discovered I wasn’t alone. And while we are all hoping for our miracle baby, when someone leaves the camp, those still in the camp rejoice but a little bit of sadness still remains.

Most nights I think of all the women (that followed my journey or vice-versa) who are still waiting for their positive pregnancy test and I wonder, “Why me?”

It’s overwhelming to think about, and I want you to know I haven’t forgotten.

I have fielded many questions and general comments about our season of infertility. People seem to fit into three groups: ones who intimately knew our journey, others who generally thought I was barren and the outliers, who thought we (I) were being a little neurotic and should have silently toughed it out without help.

Doctors never told us we would never have children, but they and I knew something was off. I was neither extremely fertile nor extremely limited. Because there wasn’t a specific medical explanation no option was immediately off the table, so with God’s nudging we felt led to seek medical intervention.

There is a theory that once a couple relaxes they will instantly become pregnant. Haha. If conceiving were that easy, infertility wouldn’t exist. Maybe in certain seasons I could have tried harder or relaxed more, tried this or that alternative method or eliminated more from my diet but I believe our Short baby is a gift from God and a medical miracle. I don’t regret seeking medical attention (because it taught me a lot about what I could handle), for being anal-retentive, for relaxing, while also being diligent with the knowledge we were given.

Jordan and I made decisions that felt right and I’m glad I shared the vulnerable moments. Sharing not only helped me find support, it helped others.

That’s all I can ask of the infertility season in my life.

14 thoughts on “For When You Get Pregnant”

  1. Congratulations! Until you start trying for a baby yourself, you really don’t know how many couple struggle to conceive. It seems so taboo to talk about until you are at that time in your life.

  2. girl i feel you. Now almost 5 months pregnant, we have been trying for over three years with a loss and my doctor had diagnosed me with infertility and then we were blessed with this miracle. Congrats on your miracle as well 🙂

  3. Congratulations! I’m finally a mom after 5 years and 2 rounds of IVF… it is a very weird transition! I don’t think I’ll ever stop being “infertile,” despite having very real children in my arms. That sensitivity remains, and the memories of the struggle are still sometimes intense… I so feel for those still trying, because that pain is still so fresh.

  4. You had another camp of people too. Ones who didn’t know intimately, but knew some. Ones who didn’t think you were barren or silly. But ones who didn’t want to say anything hurtful, and didn’t know what was what, so they held back and silently rooted and prayed. (I’m learning we are less alone than we think. But that it seems like more boisterous people can cancel out the ones who carry silent healing hopes and prayers.)

    Infertility was not my struggle, but I know very well the sensation of being in one camp and then not anymore; but how you will always honestly be that person, but that you can’t really be now. It’s a strange place to walk. (But I’m learning no one ever really walks RIGHT where we walk, so it’s less about making anyone understand it — because they never will entirely and wholly; only some will know some — and more about flowing in it and owning it as our own. And that for me has been a constant battle of letting go of asking people to get it, because so much is un-getable until it’s gotten. But learning that I can’t ask that of people is giving me more room to let other people be who they are whether I get it or not, to trust that what they say is real and to honor them where they are. And that’s a gift to give, because so many people cannot give it.)

    1. I always considered people who read this space to be ones who understood (or wanted to understand) where I was coming from…at least as much as one can. 😉

      I think this perspective is really beautiful….”giving me more room to let other people be who they are whether I get it or not, to trust that what they say is real and to honor them where they are.”

      I learned a lot about not dolling out advice during the past three years…it’s more about listening and letting people walk at their own pace. I know I could still extend more grace.

  5. Ive been following your blog for a little while now and your story is humbling in so many ways! Thanks for sharing with us your journey to this little blessing you now get to call yours! Congratulations! -Jen

  6. First, congratulations on your miracle. Second, while we didn’t struggle with infertility, we did struggle with a very high risk pregnancy. I sought support and found it, as well. It’s definitely a hard transition once you get out of the scary, sad, anxious, or hard place and into the place of mom. I still feel guilt for those who didn’t have the outcome we had, but still try to be supportive and an active member of the group.
    Thank you for sharing your struggles and your pregnancy. I think it will really help others.

  7. It was so great to meet you last night and learn about your pregnancy and your sweet baby in the oven. Thanks so much for sharing this as I certainly did not know of your struggles. As a Momma of two, I can understand the experience you had (although it was not my experience) I can relate on the overall desire to have a child, etc. So happy for you!

    Brooke |

  8. So excited for you, girl! We struggled getting pregnant for two years with our first son. I never realized how many women deal with infertility. We found peace in knowing God’s timing and will was perfect, no matter what the outcome. What a blessing he’s placed within you! It will be amazing to see how the Lord uses this little miracle of yours!

  9. What a thoughtfully written post. I am so thrilled for you that you are pregnant! I, like many other women, thought we would get pregnant right away, and as the months have stretched on I have given a lot of thought to how I would announce it if we get pregnant in the future. I have seen the other side: where babies don’t come as easily as you think they will. I have realized that as a blogger I would have a responsibility both towards those who want to hear if we are pregnant or not and also those who are struggling towards infertility. It is a hard balance, to be sure!

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