Since the fateful weekend where I took five pregnancy tests and discovered I could get pregnant, I’ve wondered how I would address moving from the camp of “infertility” to the camp of “mom.”
There is a solidarity in finding others who are struggling the same way you are struggling. I found my journey to be much more bearable once I discovered I wasn’t alone. And while we are all hoping for our miracle baby, when someone leaves the camp, those still in the camp rejoice but a little bit of sadness still remains.
Most nights I think of all the women (that followed my journey or vice-versa) who are still waiting for their positive pregnancy test and I wonder, “Why me?”
It’s overwhelming to think about, and I want you to know I haven’t forgotten.
I have fielded many questions and general comments about our season of infertility. People seem to fit into three groups: ones who intimately knew our journey, others who generally thought I was barren and the outliers, who thought we (I) were being a little neurotic and should have silently toughed it out without help.
Doctors never told us we would never have children, but they and I knew something was off. I was neither extremely fertile nor extremely limited. Because there wasn’t a specific medical explanation no option was immediately off the table, so with God’s nudging we felt led to seek medical intervention.
There is a theory that once a couple relaxes they will instantly become pregnant. Haha. If conceiving were that easy, infertility wouldn’t exist. Maybe in certain seasons I could have tried harder or relaxed more, tried this or that alternative method or eliminated more from my diet but I believe our Short baby is a gift from God and a medical miracle. I don’t regret seeking medical attention (because it taught me a lot about what I could handle), for being anal-retentive, for relaxing, while also being diligent with the knowledge we were given.
Jordan and I made decisions that felt right and I’m glad I shared the vulnerable moments. Sharing not only helped me find support, it helped others.
That’s all I can ask of the infertility season in my life.