Joy, Pain and Truth

Lubbock, Texas

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the art of having a blog and what I want to convey to you, the friends who visit this space. We all have influence; our number of Instagram followers might be small (compared to 50K!) but that doesn’t negate the fact that someone is listening to the words you choose to share. I desire for all my words to be sprinkled with honesty and hope.

Here are a few thoughts that have been swirling around my mind. These are my words…

Community and friendship are important to me. My body literally craves deep, meaningful conversations. I will always choose to sit on the grassy lawn or front porch talking about how beautiful life is and how, at 28, it isn’t what I imagined when I was 19. I am not always the best with spontaneity and want to be open to unplanned opportunities within my friendships.

Life is hard and beautiful simultaneously. Receiving reports that my body isn’t working quite like it should is frustrating, but I get up, greet the sun and go about my day. Hopefully, I am able to be a great friend and loving spouse.

Joy is found in “thinking of you” cards and wine given by friends when my period comes again. Joy is rejoicing in the birth of my friends’ babies despite my lack. Joy is backyard parties with friends. Joy is traveling and getting lost in a new city. Joy is watching Gilmore Girls while baking brownies and laughing at old jokes with Jordan.

I worry sometimes I’m getting accustomed to extra everything (sleep, freedom, time, energy) that when I finally get a positive pregnancy test, it’ll be a major shock to my system: like living alone for 20 years and suddenly having to share a bathroom with an entire sorority house.

The only thing that I really know for certain is God is for me…for us. This is true. But that certainly doesn’t mean life is without heartache or suffering. I can quite literally choose to look for joy in my life.

I will continue to step forward towards the light that is JOY, embracing it with everything I am.

36 thoughts on “Joy, Pain and Truth”

  1. love, love, love this post.
    i love how real you were and open while making it connectable.
    i also love and CRAVE deep, meaningful conversations. <3

  2. I love the vulnerability of this post & your sharing not just of good things but even things that scare or worry you. I aim for my blog to be just as honest as yours, & so I love reading when others stay true to themselves on their blogs too! I agree that we may not have 50 or 100k followers, but people are still very much listening & watching what we do on our blogs. Thank you for sharing this post!

  3. I love the strength that is in this post. God is absolutely the joy in our lives and He will always come through on his promises. Sending prayers and bottles of wine in your direction love!

  4. Some of my dear friends, and young Christians, believe with all their hearts that because God is for them, that they will never experience heartache or suffering. Honestly-that’s an incorrect view of the way our world works. I’m glad that the heartache you guys have gone through doesn’t shake or shatter your faith because you understand that faith and suffering can coincide.

    1. You are so right, Rachel. I’m not even sure why if it’s just my personality or the doctrine I was more or less raised on but my belief in God is never questioned. Circumstances and heartache, etc…but I am always learning how to find joy and not let my worldly expectations distract me from the bigger picture.

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